Stop-start habits. I could have written the book on them. For fifteen years I was a stop-start runner. More stop than start. For years I had a pile of books gathering dust because I just wasn’t a ‘non-fiction’ person. There was no way I could get up early. I couldn’t lose weight. The pattern was the same every time. Start full of enthusiasm and motivation, stop and conclude the problem was me.

It wasn’t just exhausting it was soul destroying at times. Surely if I really wanted it, I would be able to focus and make it happen? That was my conclusion. The fault was mine.

But I was wrong.

why it happens.

There’s a long list of reasons you’ll have heard not enough willpower, not enough focus, not wanting it badly enough. In my experience it’s none of these.

Habits don’t stick for two reasons. They’re too big and overwhelm you before you’ve started. And two, you haven’t made the changes needed to give them a chance. Those changes are identity, language and environment.

the first step.

Take a long hard look at what’s happening. Dig into the good days and the bad days, identify the patterns. What are you telling yourself? What’s going on around you?

I was telling myself I wanted to be a runner. But I was surrounded by non-running friends I loved socialising with and a habit of staying out for a couple of drinks after work. My identity was tied up in being Scottish, which in my head meant I couldn’t turn down a drink. Ridiculous, looking back. But that’s what I was working with.

The same thing showed up when I decided I wanted a career change. I couldn’t shake my identity as a marketing professional. Same dynamic as the running, different context. The story sounded different, but it was the same.

systems or identity?

Both. And this is where it can get interesting.

Identity gives you clarity and changes the language you use. Systems are what you do to make that identity a reality.

For running, my system was a run streak (minimum of a mile a day). My identity became Runner. The system made the identity real by giving me evidence to back it up.

Reading was simpler. Five pages every night before my novel. That system built knowledge, which eventually led me to focus on habits and motivation. Now I identify as a habits and motivation coach. The identity followed the system, not the other way around.

Depending on the habit, you might start with the identity or the system. What matters is that you have both. One without the other is what creates the stop-start cycle.

what changed.

When I first trained as a coach I still thought of myself as a marketing professional. So, my time and focus were always drawn to marketing. When I left my marketing job, I started to walk away from that identity and started to introduce myself as a coach. Then things started to happen. I became aware that I had to change my system from employed to self-employed. It’s not the same thing, but until I acknowledge the identity I wanted, nothing changed.

what now?

If any of this sounds familiar, you’re not the problem. You’re just missing the right combination of identity and system for your specific life. That’s not a motivational statement; it’s a practical one. Once you can see the pattern clearly, you can start to change it.

Stuck in the same stop-start cycle? Book a call to find out how I can help.