Is your identity wrapped up in your job? Mine was. For over 20 years I was a marketer. Sometimes the company I worked for defined me, but usually it was my role. It wasn’t just a job title. It was who I was.

But it stopped making me happy. I still enjoyed elements of it, some of the projects were still interesting and fun. But it didn’t align with who I was anymore. I wanted something different. Knowing this, the obvious approach was to look for something else I wanted to do. But I didn’t start by thinking about coaching. I started by thinking about who I was, what motivated me, what I enjoyed and, ultimately, what I wanted to be known for. I’d been successful in developing people, and I’d enjoyed that aspect of my job. It just hadn’t been my focus.

I made it my focus and did more of it in my job. Then I trained as a coach. Then I started coaching people outside of work. Each step felt small at the time. None of it felt like a dramatic identity shift. But looking back, that’s what it was.

the pull of an old identity.

I knew that a long career wouldn’t be straightforward to walk away from, but I hadn’t appreciated how much of my identity it had become. Twenty years of evidence that I was a marketer didn’t disappear because I decided I wanted to be something else. It pulled me back.

Every time I thought about going fully self-employed, there was a voice that said, but you’re a marketer. You’re good at it. You know it works. You’ve got so much time and experience, are you really going to walk away?

Even now, as a coach with my own business, I’m still drawn to marketing work. The interest doesn’t go away. What’s changed is that it’s no longer the thing that defines me. It’s just something I’m also good at, with aspects that I still enjoy.

the identity trap.

James Clear calls identity the third and deepest layer of habit change. Not what you do, not what you achieve, but what you believe about yourself. The trap is waiting to feel like the person we want to be before we act like them. We wait for the belief to arrive before we take the first step. But I found that it doesn’t work that way.

I didn’t feel like a coach and then start coaching. I started coaching and then felt like one. I didn’t wait until I believed I could run my own business before I set one up. I set one up and the belief built from there. Every action was a vote, as Clear would say, for the person I wanted to be. The person I was becoming.

changing the story.

The stories we tell ourselves about who we are do more damage than we realise. I’m not someone who follows through. I’ve never been able to stick to anything. I’m not a morning person. These aren’t observations. They’re identities. And your brain takes them seriously.

Try this. Say out loud ‘I’m not a morning person.’ Notice how that feels. Now say ‘I’m an evening person.’ Did your posture change? Effectively both statements are saying the same thing. But the way you say it sends different signals to your brain about what’s possible.

where to start.

Don’t start with what you want to do or what you want to achieve. Start with who you want to be. Then find the smallest action that proves it. Not the whole plan. Just one thing that casts a vote for that identity.

The belief follows the action. Not the other way around.

What identity are you trapped in, and did you choose it?

What could a change in identity do for you? Book a call to find out.